When to Say Goodbye to Toxic Friendships


When I rolled into my thirties, I found life’s situations a little easier because my mom, being the Pisces she is, has always been an insighter for people. She was always the one who people would call and get insight, advice, or clarity about a situation from. Especially when it comes to interacting with other people. I remember when I was growing up talking to friends or family on the phone or if they just came over to chill, she could always seem to read a person so precisely. And when the day came where I had a friendship-ending altercation with them, I would think “gosh, she’s always right!” Ughhh, that got on my nerves so bad and I think it was more so the fact that I would still be their friend and they would fail me one more time. I now see myself doing this same thing to my son. Lol!

I’ve found that not all quandary in friendships need to end the relationship, but sometimes you have to know what type of relationship you have with that person and where to put them in your life. Truth of the matter is, we’ve all been on both sides of the court. With that being said, you have to give some kind of leeway. Just a little. Basically, you can keep the friendship, just to a lesser degree. I have different types of relationships with each of my friends. When you know what kind of person you’re dealing with and how you should interact with them, it leaves less room for disappointment and that seems to work for me. On the other hand, don’t ignore your gut feeling to cut them off after you’ve evaluated your friendship.

Signs of a toxic friend:

  1. They drain you- you feel mentally and emotionally drained after being or talking with them…ending conversations are never uplifting
  2. They are unsupportive– you’re afraid to tell them about something bad in your life because they always feed on the negative or you’re afraid to tell them about new aspects in your life because they are never positive
  3. They are jealous- listen, you can have people who say they are happy for you, but are secretly wanting your life and are praying and wadding on your downfall..it’s real!
  4. Their values and interests are opposite to yours-if you don’t have the same beliefs on how a friendship should work then you both play by a different set of rules and this will always lead to disappointment in the end because you’ll both be in constant conflict
  5. They are unreliable– always breaking their promises
  6. They only contact you when they need you- you never hear from them when you need them. A friendship is a give and take, it’s not one sided
  7. They have zero ambition (my personal pet peeve)- beware, a lack of ambition can be parasidic! You will not grow being around people that don’t want more in life and don’t take the initiative to seek it
  8. You dread seeing them and are relieved when they leave- a friendship is voluntary, you are not forced to be someone’s friend. If you’re constantly ignoring calls or finding excuses for everything, is it worth it?
  9. They betray your trust- we as women experience some of the same life situations so we invest in our friendships, but if someone betrays that bond, you need to reevaluate it
  10. You have “friendship whiplash”-being a great friend today and a bad friend tomorrow isn’t gonna cut it. This inconsistency causes unpredictability and can make you nervous and depressed in the meantime from someone you’re supposed to be able to rely on

Toxic friendships complicate your life, can be a nuisance, and can waste precious time as you deal with the negativity. No one’s perfect, but we’re all trying to accomplish our goals and one way to do that is to get rid of what no longer serves us. It’s something we tend to dread or delay addressing, but what’s the use of hanging on to something that’s toxic to our lives?

What are some of the issues you’ve faced when dealing with toxic friendships? What are some of your experiences?


5 thoughts on “When to Say Goodbye to Toxic Friendships

  1. When to say goodbye. Definently needed this. I always wonder about this one young lady whom I’ve been friends with for a few years now. She’s the type who’s never wrong. Finds fault in everyone’s situation or atttitude or way of doing things. She has lost a few friends over the past 2 yrs, me almost being one. She’s young and has a lot of maturing to do so that’s why I kinda always overlook her crazy but it may be time to say bye bye. Great insight. Keep em coming girl.

  2. Those are so true. It’s also hard to back off from lifelong friends. At our age it’s hard to make new friends so we keep the old ones even though it’s toxic. I definitely distance myself from those types. I don’t cut all ties but I know my boundaries.

  3. I would agree with all these signs. I also feel that sometime we may not know how to end the friendship. We feel obligated to continue the friendship because we have history. How do you end it? Do you just stop calling and stop being there or have a real conversation and explain to this person what your decisions are and why. I’m sure many of us have had these thoughts.

  4. I believe we’ve all experienced toxic friendships. With that being said… It helped me bond closer to my family bc you can always count on them. However, we all need a friend that we can count on. Sometimes I don’t believe ppl VALUE friendships anymore. This is a crazy world that we live in.

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